My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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