Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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