My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
