Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize