i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
