I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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