saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
