I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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