I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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