She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
