FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
