i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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