i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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