We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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