Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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