im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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