I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
