Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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