i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize