im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Randomize
