question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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