I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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