I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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