I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
