Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
