i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
