You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
