there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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