your room smells of hookers.
And success
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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