Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
