she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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