What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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