Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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