ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
