walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
