i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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