i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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