Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
