I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
