So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
