I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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