I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Randomize