Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
