So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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