How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
