last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
