How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
