so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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