i permit you to call me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
