you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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