You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
