You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
