meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
