Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
