I am puke
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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