Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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