Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
