Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
