I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
