after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
