hotel room ftw
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
