Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
