i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
