speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have feelings that need drinking.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
