Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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