Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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