I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
