From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize