can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
