I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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