you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
