I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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