You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
