You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
