I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
