I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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