small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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