Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
