I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
