yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
