I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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