We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I pour the whiskey from now on
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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