I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize