one two three fourrrrnication!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
