He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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