He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
