her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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