Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
