Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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