As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Someone signed my nipple.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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