just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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