so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The adults are the big ones right?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
