If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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